Thanks, dad

"Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers - and fathering is a very important stage in their development." -- David M. Gottesman

Sunday is Father's Day, a day to thank the men who are up to the task of being fathers, molders of the foundation of our society.

In doing some research on the topic, I learned that this is the 99th year that Father's Day has been celebrated. The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington.

Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington state. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.

It wasn't until 1966 that President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June as Father's Day.

In my life I have seen the ebb and flow of fathers as a force in our society. As a child, having a father in my life meant that I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back and enough to eat. It also meant that, if I really, really, REALLY was in trouble, I had someone to go to for help. Of course asking for this help resulted in my being even MORE in trouble, but when push came to shove, I knew that my father was there for me.

As the womens movement and the sexual revolution took hold during my childhood, it became acceptable for households to have only one parent, and many took on the role of both mother and father, something I personally can not imagine doing, but many have done just that.

I don't mean to sound sexist in this column, but it may come across that way, so I apologize in advance to those that I may offend. I am a product of my environment, as we all are, and these are simply my observations about life and fatherhood.

I feel, as men, we have ceded some of our authority and responsibility as fathers. Taking the easy way out may be a fine short-term strategy, but the long-term costs to our society are high. The pendulum of society has swung too far away from fathers, and we need to bring it back to the center.

In the patriarchal days of last century, the "Father Knows Best" days and earlier, fathers had too much influence. The matriarchal days of the 1970s and 80s went too far as well. Children need both male and female influences in their lives, in whatever form that takes.

As we continue to strive for balance, we need to accept and respect each other and the roles we play in the development of young people in our society.

My parents had very clearly defined roles, up until the late 1960s, when my mother returned to the workforce part-time. Mom was a nurse and worked the 3-11 p.m. shift, so there were evenings when we were forced to fend for ourselves. Learning to prepare a meal and do dishes never killed anyone, and we all learned to appreciate our mother more. We did what needed to be done.

Raising two daughters with my wife, I felt keenly aware of what my role as the only male in the household was -- I needed to be a positive male role model so my children would recognize what men should be like.

The jury's still out on that, but I hope I did my part.

So, this weekend, I encourage those of you who have living fathers and grandfathers to thank them for the role they played in making you the person you are today.

As always, I welcome your comments. You can reach me by email at tstangl@lemarscomm.net, telephone 712-546-7031, x40 or toll free 1-800-728-0066 x40.

Thanks for reading, I'll keep in touch. Feel free to do the same.