School sends message: no bullies allowed

Cathy VanMaanen with the Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence talked with fifth grade students Monday at Kissinger Elementary School on bullying. The topic is one school principals want to address for students, parents, teachers and staff. [Click to enlarge]

Bullying may be physical, verbal or emotional in nature and is seen as an aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength and is typically repeated over time, according to information from the program, "Stop Bullying Now."

The anti-bullying issue has come to the forefront in both the state and nationwide, according to Scott Parry, principal for Kissinger and Kluckhohn Elementary Schools.

"We want to make sure we do the things we need to do to make kids aware of bullying," he said.

That's where Cathy Van Maanen with the Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence, comes in. She made the first of three presentations to fourth and fifth grade students at Kissinger and Kluckhohn this week, and will also be scheduled at Clark and Franklin, to talk with the students about bullying, what it is, and how students can protect themselves from being bullied.

"There's a fine line between joking, teasing and bullying," Van Maanen said. "For some it may be a joke, but for the receiver it may be bullying. The receiver decides the type of behavior."

"One of the things that came out of a survey we did last spring with fourth and fifth grade students was that the kids weren't sure they were treated with respect," Parry said. That's why the principals brought in Van Maanen.

"This is a way for us to educate the kids on bullying," Parry said. "What some students might do that they think is normal other kids might not like and consider bullying."

"We work with individuals on behavior and hope this will get the message out to everyone," Parry said.

In her second visit, Van Maanen talks with students about ways to avoid violence, the role of the bystander in the situation, and when to go to an adult for help.

She hopes to create an awareness for the students and empower them to handle the situation.

"In my third visit I talk about courage, and what it means," she said. "Courage isn't confined to our soldiers and firemen. We all have the ability to save a victim from a bully.

"It works better when friends intervene and help the victim," said Van Maanen, who helps children define "everyday courage."

Wendy Weaver serves as elementary guidance counselor at Kissinger and Kluckhohn Elementary Schools.

"I think bullying has a part of some kids' lives, and it's something the schools have dealt with for many years," Weaver said. "We know that severe bullying can have long-lasting effects on kids. We want to take measures to prevent that bullying from happening, and make our school a safe place for all kids."

Weaver said students do come forward and let their teachers know about situations. Parents also let the counselor and school officials know when bullying occurs to their child.

Weaver admits teachers and staff can't see everything.

"We want all kids to come to school feeling safe or comfortable," Weaver explained. "If there are problems, they need to let someone know."

In her Monday presentation, Van Maanen talked with children about their most embarrassing moment. Soon students were sharing their moments and laughing with one another. That was part of Van Maanen's strategy, to get the kids laughing with each other rather than at someone.

"We all have embarrassing moments," she said, "but should you get teased and bullied because of it? No."

How do parents know if a child is being bullied?

"Ask your child 'how was your day'," said Van Maanen. "Get information on their friends and what they do. Parents need to follow a 'gut instinct' of listening."

"If a child doesn't want to go to school, find out why," she noted. "Many times its because of bullying."

Some signs may be suddenly missing items, the child losing things, have missing or damaged items.

Emotion changes in children may include the child being clingy, or hurrying home from school, or in general being not happy.

"As a community and beyond, we're saying 'no' this is not normal behavior," Van Maanen said.

She once met a grandfather who can still name the person who bullied him as a child.

"Bullying can change how someone feels about themself for the rest of their lives," Van Maanen said.

"We're hoping to get the anti-bullying message out to everyone," said Parry.