Johnny Carson, rest his soul, made a very good living for a number of years reading the daily newspaper and simply making observations, comments and even the occasional joke about current events.

His successors, Jay Leno and David Letterman (yes, I think Letterman should have gotten the gig and is, in my opinion, Carson's "heir") have done the same, but no one did it as well as Johnny. In fact, one of the reasons we run Argus Hamilton's column is to keep you up to date on current events and hopefully put a smile on your face.

The folks in Australia recently made some news that Carson would have loved. Have you heard the one about the department store that won't let their Santas say "Ho Ho Ho"?

There is no punchline, sadly it's case of political correctness gone amuck. The Santas at Westaff, a department store chain in Australia, must now say "Ha Ha Ha," because they might frighten children with the traditional "Ho Ho Ho."

The Santa wars have escalated, with one of the Aussie Santas getting the sack for not conforming. Here's the news story from the Cairns Post:

A 70-year-old man working as Santa Claus says he was sacked from a Cairns department store for saying "ho, ho, ho" and singing Christmas carols.

In a case of political correctness seemingly gone mad, retired entertainer John Oakes says he was fired from his job at Myer for his rendition of Santa's famous laugh.

His employer, Westaff, last month sparked national outrage when it ordered its Santas to say "ha, ha, ha" instead of "ho, ho, ho" because it could be derogatory to women but denied the words were a factor in Mr Oakes's case.

The word "ho" is also American slang for a whore.

"They're trying to kill the spirit of Christmas," Mr Oakes told The Cairns Post yesterday, just days into his fourth year as Myer's Santa.

"But after my shift on Monday, I got a call from my manager telling me my services were no longer required.

"I hadn't done anything wrong so I asked her why, and she said, 'You said ho, ho, ho and that's not appropriate'. She also said I wasn't supposed to sing, but I was only singing Jingle Bells to get the kids to laugh for their photo. It's just ridiculous and everything's changed because of the new rules."

Westaff spokesman Bert Jansz said Mr Oakes was fired for having the wrong attitude, and a Myer spokesman declined to give the reason for his sacking.

"The candidate was not sacked nor was his use of the term "ho, ho, ho" a factor in our decision," Mr Jansz said.

Westaff's stance on the traditional term last month prompted some trainee Santas to quit the official training course interstate.

At the time it was claimed ho, ho, hos would frighten children.

But he back-pedalled on the decree yesterday, saying Westaff Santas were not banned from using the term.

Mr Oakes is looking for a new Santa job.

As Carson would say, you can't make this stuff up. It used to be that the religious symbols of the Christmas holiday were the ones under attack: no nativity scenes, no mention of Jesus, no, no no. Santa was the man, no religious "issues," just plain and simple consumerism. Of course, you had to overlook the St. Nicholas religious origins, but that could easily be overcome. Then there was the whole "Christ"mas problem.

Easily fixed. Chop off the "Christ" and replace it with a random letter, oh, let's say an "X."

Problem solved.

So where do we turn when Santa, loveable, friendly Santa has become too offensive and frightening? Who will be the next "face" of Christmas, sorry X-Mas?

How about a dollar sign $? Sort hip, like when Prince changed his name to a symbol. Oh, that's right the dollar is not in favor. How about the Euro €? Too continental. The Chinese Yuan * -- it's the same symbol as the Japanese Yen, a double threat.

Yes, all a bit too commercial. How about something harmless? I've got it! A newborn baby. Yep, that will work. If someone finds that offensive, what about an happy old guy in a red suit that likes kids, a grandfather figure?

Nah...makes too much sense.

As always, I welcome your comments. You can reach me by email at tstangl@lemarscomm.net, telephone 712-546-7031, x40 or toll free 1-800-728-0066 x40.

Thanks for reading, I'll keep in touch. Feel free to do the same.