Talking points

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

The much rumored television talk show that former President Bill Clinton will host may be getting a little closer to reality. Earlier this year Clinton was rumored to be in negotiations with NBC about a show on that network. The person heading up the negotiations for the broadcasting company has moved to CBS and talks have begun anew. Reportedly the hang-up is only money. Clinton is said to be asking somewhere between $30 and $50 million per year.

When the idea first hit, the news pundits pooh-poohed the idea, saying that they didn't think there was much the former president would have to talk about. Those people are just naysayers. "Aginners", if you will, trying to hold down the boy from Hope.

There are plenty of things the former leader of the free world can talk about. Indeed, the man who was for eight years the single most powerful person on the face of the earth has a myriad of topics he can draw on to enlighten and share with his audience.

Here are but a sample of some story lines Clinton's producer might want to consider.

The English Language:

Educators will particularly enjoy this show as the former president explains the intricacies and underlying meaning of simple, heretofore misunderstood, simple, everyday words.

Traveling the world:

How to find the right people to accommodate your special needs for gallivanting the globe. Special guests for this show will include Linda Bloodworth Thomason and husband, Harry.

The good IRS:

How the tax agency is actually a warm, cuddly Big Brother looking to protect you from your enemies.

The good FBI:

Same general theme as the IRS show.

Pardon me?:

What it's worth to say you're sorry. Special guests will include Marc and Denise Rich and Pincus Green. Available for a phone interview from his prison cell is reputed mobster Rosario Gambino.

Fine Cuban cigars:

Why just smoking them is such a waste. This show will have to be prefaced with a warning about the content.

Home renovations:

The importance of big, roomy closets.


So much more than just an invigorating ride down a river. Special guests for this show will include former Arkansas governor Jim Guy Tucker and Susan McDougal.

Family values:

What to do with those pesky relatives that don't know how to behave like adults. Special guests will be Roger Clinton, Hugh and Tony Rodham.

Public school systems:

A comparison of the curriculum and environment of the Washington, D.C. schools with the Sidwell Friends private school. Former first daughter Chelsea will be this show's special guest.

Finding a good nanny:

Special guests will include the former president's Attorney General nominees Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood as well as former transportation secretary Frederico Pena. A second part of the show will deal with paying Social Security taxes on a nanny's salary.

Fast food joints:

Lawsuit heaven or a rest stop on the morning jog.

Movie reviews:

First movie up for discussion, "Wag the Dog."

Tips on how to organize a good anti-war protest:

This show may even be filmed on location in England with a stopover in Oslo, Norway.

These are just the tip of the iceberg. There are plenty of other topics such as, "News anchors I have personally known," and "How to smoke without inhaling." The list could run on ad infinitum, but if Clinton does take the talk show gig he will probably become bored with it long before the ratings fall. Initially, the show will probably have good ratings, much like the Anna Nicole Smith show which has plummeted by some 25-percent per week after its debut.