When did that happen?

OK, so I can't blame it on Christmas. It's me that has changed.

I'm not really sure when it happened, but some of the childlike suspense and magic of the holiday has sort of faded, like the My Little Ponies and building blocks I used to play with every day.

Maybe it's because snow doesn't equal snowday, it equals me somehow scraping all the snow off the roof of my car into my driver's seat. I do it every time.

Maybe it's because I'm the one making the list and checking it twice -- Will my brother think this shirt is stupid? Will my friend open this and think about who she can regift it to?

So I've been trying to figure out what all that magic was about as a kid.

Pretty sure it wasn't Santa. I learned the truth about the jolly old elf early on, but even before that the only emotion I remember having about the loud-laughing, bushy-bearded man was straight up fear.

I think the key element, though, is that feeling of walking into a room and seeing a huge outpouring of gifts that someone picked out just for you.

I don't mean this in a materialistic way at all. It didn't matter what was in the boxes, just that someone had planned this wonderful surprise for you to walk into.

Maybe it's kind of like a magic trick. Once you learn the trick, it isn't quite so magical. But if you learn the trick, you can show that magic to someone else.

Maybe that's why Christmas has changed. I get to be the giver now. I've been given so much, starting from that baby in a stable somewhere in the Middle East. Now it's my turn.

Suddenly I'm feeling a little magical.