On Saturday night, when my husband and I arrived home, we walked into our living room and found a chipmunk (or ground squirrel, as Iowa folk sometimes call them) running circles on our carpet like a track star.

Here's where the human-to-animal communication fallout begins.

We, humans, attempt to communicate to said chipmunk, "The door is over there."
Our message is simple: we'd like to help you outside.

Chipmunk brain interprets this as "DIE! I'M GOING TO DIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! SOMEONE STOLE MY PEANUTS!" and runs for the kitchen.

Apparently, rodents have radar for finding the places that will be most humorous to watch humans attempt to get into.

Finally, Mr. Chip headed for the basement (between our legs) and found a tiny hole in the wall we'd never seen before.

Maybe he got outside, we said wishfully.

Next day, right before lunch with a guest, guess who decides to ramble through the kitchen again?

Finally we propped the outside door open. We think he's gone. Or he went to get all his chipmunk buddies.

Oh, did I mention that an hour after the chipmunk showed up Saturday night, we had a bat swooping around our living room?

I don't watch the nature channel, I just go home.