Must...resist...puppy

There's an ad for a free puppy in the Daily Sentinel.

A purebred yellow lab puppy.

Good thing there's not a picture, or I'd be toast.

I mean who could resist an adorable roly-poly playful pink-tongued bundle of cuddliness? It's like a drug.

My logical self is fighting back: house training, dog food, more dog food, walks, obedience training, more dog food, dog poop, dog fur, space for a full-grown dog to run, kennel stays when we're not home, dog food, big bags of dog food, big bags of dog poop...

See, growing up, the biggest pet we had was a rabbit. We had a few goldfish once. They died in four hours. I don't think we even named them yet. We had three guinea pigs. The coolest part about them was the noise they made (weeEEnk weenk weeenk weeeEEENK) and the incredible amount of grass they could consume. We had three cats, but after they grew out of their kitten stage, they pretty much ignored us. In any case, all of their poop was pretty manageable.

Truth is, I think I'm scared to venture as deep into pet-hood as owning a dog. I mean, that's almost like getting a dolphin. Dogs are smart, they depend on you, they have personality. And they're big. And they poop a lot.

So, somebody please adopt that wonderful little puppy, and hurry.

Otherwise, there's no saying what I'll do.