Kids Problems vs. Parent Problems

This past week has had some very frustrating moments at my house. It started with figuring out my daughter had lost her Christmas present - her Leapster and three games. Now of course, "Santa" had gotten her the present (and bought it on a good sale too...) so that was all included in my first slip up when I said I wouldn't buy her another one. Her perky little ears took that to mean I bought the first one and that would mean there's no Santa. I had to explain that no, Santa got the first one but there would be no more Leapsters in our house, since she lost that one.

I have to admit the whole situation really bothered me (not the Santa thing but losing the Leapster). This past Christmas it had been the star of the show, and it wasn't even something she originally asked for. Now, barely three months later this coveted toy was gone. It was driving me insane, and she wasn't worried about it at all, which makes you even more insane. Then, ironically, I was reading the next chapter in Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, which happened to be about the kids problems vs. the parents problems.

The book states that we should let kids problems be exactly that, their problems. We shouldn't help them or get in their way, unless of course it's our problem. The example they gave in the book was a mother looking out the window and seeing her son beat up a neighborhood kid. The authors suggest that instead of saying anything to her son, the mother should let him be, maybe ask a few questions like, "Do you feel better now?" or "How do you think that made Billy feel?" but that's it, and not to get mad. As I'm reading this I think, "How does a parent not get mad? Kid's shouldn't hit!" but as I read on, what the authors are trying to say sinks in. They say let the natural consequences teach our children. If Billy's mother comes over all mad at you because your son beat Billy up, calmly tell her that it's your son's problem (fault) and you would happily have your child come down so she can talk (or yell) at him. Therefore he learns the natural consequence of beating up Billy. I myself would also find it hard not to ground him after Billy's mom yelled at him but I supposed it would be worth a try to see if it made an impact.

The authors also go on to say that there are times a kid does need help and parents should step in. There are afterall, some problems that are just to big for one little kid to handle. Overall, however, we (parents) tend to hover a little to close to our children and solve their problems for them before they learn the natural consequences to their mistakes. So to bring this full circle, I needed to let my daughter be worried and find her own Leapster. I tried, I really did try... however the money that was involved in losing it was making it very hard to forget, though I did try to stop hounding her about it. In the end she cleaned out a corner of her room this Sunday and found the darn thing in her backpack... crisis averted... for now.