I was going to talk about my recent vacation to Indiana where I visited my friends, whom I haven't seen in almost three years. I lived there for five when I worked for a daily newspaper there.

But then I decided that no one would really care as I didn't do anything exciting or earth shattering. I need to clarify that statement as it seems my friends think I was bored on vacation. Not so, I visited a ton of people and it was really great!

But since no one here would know them, I decided to address smoking instead.

I have been a smoker for many years I think it's something like 17 years now. I know you're NOT trying to guess how old I am. Anyway, throughout the years I have tried all of the quitting smoking techniques.

For smokers out there, you know what I mean. The patches (from which I got these nasty red blisters), the gum (which really isn't gum), the quitting "cold turkey," the weaning off and the will power method.

Since I'm still smoking today, it's obvious none of those worked for me at least not long term.

So I'm reading this book "The Easy Way To Stop Smoking." This is like the fifth time I've read it. I quit smoking the first time I read it and it was soooo easy, but then I ended up in the hospital and it started all over again. You'd think that would have the opposite effect. Not so.

But anyway I digress. So in this book it talks about the whole brainwashing we as smokers go through by society and ourselves and it's so accurate. It also talks about smoking not being a "habit" as many of us smokers would like to believe. I am in agreement with all of the information.

So what is my problem?

I'm a drug addict. I'm addicted to nicotine. Lately every time I even think about trying to quit, I have something close to a panic attack. If you've ever had one of those they are quite scary. Then I feel guilty for being "weak" and like a "failure" for not being able to do it.

If you are a smoker, I'm sure you've felt that way before.

But I'm here to tell you we are not failures or weak. In fact, we are strong to be able to even smoke in the first place (not that I'm condoning it) and we are resilient in that many of us keep trying to kick the addiction.

I just wanted to share a piece of my addiction with you.

For all of those out there who don't smoke, I'm glad. Don't ever let anyone tell you to "just have one" because that's when it all starts.

So I'm going to keep trying to quit.

I'm going to keep straddling the fence when it comes to this new law in Iowa about banning smoking in public places because I'm not sure, as a smoker, how I feel about it.

I'm also going to try to realize that I'm a good person even though I smoke. I don't have to be ashamed.

I just have to fight the addiction.

And win.